I am currently 26 weeks pregnant! Which is amazing, scary and everything in between. I am so excited to greet our baby girl and I feel so very blessed to be able to have a second child. Being able to keep either pregnancy was no small feat for us. We have gone through several miscarriages, and an ectopic pregnancy. All of which took a toll on my husband and I as well as our relationship.
However, we came out the other side stronger, and with a beautiful baby boy that is the light of our lives. This pregnancy though, has it been a doozy!! This time around my emotional highs and lows are a bit on the extreme side. I mean I had them with my son don’t get me wrong, but the standard crying at the hallmark commercial has gotten a healthy steroid shot. As an example a few weekends ago, was the pinnacle of all of this.
I was with my husband and son at our house my son was bored and a little crazy and his amazing daddy was making him some Newtonian fluid aka cornstarch and water so he could play with and be amazed. He brings it over to me and is like look!! Almost as excited as I expected my son to be 🙂 he proceeds to pour into my hands—maybe not such a good idea?….Maybe. We then find out that the liquid had a little bit too much water and the Newtonian fluid got EVERYWHERE!!
I started to hop around like STOP pouring and start to laugh hysterically as I’m dripping Newtonian fluid on the carpet and the sofa. As I start to laugh I realize that I HAVE TO PEE NOW so I run into the bathroom dropping cornstarch down the hallway and in the bathroom, as I have a laughing fit. I finally make (or not quite make it) and I sit there with this cornstarch everywhere peeing. All of which is hilarious until I realize that I need to shower because I did pee myself and I covered in cornstarch fluid.
This starts a cascade effect as I realize I peed myself because I couldn’t hold it like an adult I proceed to start to cry while still laughing mind you. So no I look like a crazy person and my husband comes in to check on me and he feels so bad and keeps telling me its okay and all I can do is laugh/cry. YAY!!! The glory of pregnancy!
In spite of all of this I still feel so lucky. I thought for a very long time that I would not be able to have children. We were on the verge of going to an endocrinologist to see why I was having such a hard time keeping a pregnancy. By that point I had had a three miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy which ended up removing my right ovary completely. After all of that I thought the option to have a baby had been taken from my hands and it was something I took really hard. I was in a very dark place and the loss nearly ended our relationship. We made it through by communicating as much as we could at times he would pry it out of me but we made it through, stronger together.
This time around has been so different I have known from about 2 months that I am pregnant. This little girl has kicked my butt!!! My hormones have been on a roller coaster, my body has been feeling sore and I am pretty much exhausted not too mention that and I’m 31 weeks and as big as when I have birth to my son! Kind of afraid of how big I will be given that I still have at least 9 weeks to go, IF I don’t get induced before!
The one thing that has affected me more than anything so far are my hormones. When I get sad, or have something that’s on my mind my anxiety skyrockets. Fortunately or unfortunately depending on your point of view, I am really not equipped to deal with that kind of anxiousness. My head tends to run away with me, and I deal with it how I have always dealt with my emotions which was attempting to detach and compartmentalize. Which is really a fail, cuz it does not work.
Especially with my wonderful husband, he really pays attention to me which is the first time I have experienced that. Most of the time my friends and family just accepted what I would say I could always hide my emotions, but not with him. He sees me, always. I know I am so lucky to have him and I am so very grateful every single day that I have him, that I have my son and that I have this little one on the way. These are the thoughts that have kept my anxiety at bay, we will figure anything that comes our way together because we always do and we are stronger together, always.
liveartjourney 