Gratitude

I have been trying to be aware and make an effort in keeping my perspective rooted in gratitude. I have so very much to be grateful for,a beautiful healthy baby girl. Along with a handsome curious boy that is our joy. A wonderful husband that always puts us first no matter what. My amazing hubby makes sure I take care of myself when I don’t “have time” or the inclination to do so.

I have so much too be grateful for I know this…. but sometimes just sometimes it can be hard to always BE grateful. Especially when you’re exhausted and experiencing anxiety or depression. This pregnancy has presented itself with the lovely bouquet of baby blues which are definitely exacerbated by the lack of sleep that a newborn brings. All of this was a big surprise, as I was blissfully unaware of postpartum depression with my son’s pregnancy.

When I do have lows I do try to realign myself as soon as I can. Taking a walk or a shower as those are in short supply when I’m running around after my newborn as well as trying to keep my toddler from being upset because he’s jealous of the baby in the house and of course trying to keep the house clean. Having financial issue’s is also a huge stressor. But thankfully I have a family that I can lean on with all of this. I know I do and yet we are still trying to do everything we can so we do not burden others. I know it takes a village and I TRULY understand that now. But we do not want to burden anyone if we don’t have too.

I have anxiety and worries brought on by postpartum depression but my amazing husband has Generalized Anxiety on an everyday basis and because this pregnancy has been so difficult for me it has definitely heightened his anxiety. He has the weight of the world on his shoulders.

When I go spinning into a worry spiral, he is my anchor and brings me back down to reality. He is my knight in shining armor. Not because he saved me from someone. But because he saved me from myself, and he did it by giving me back hope and the belief that things do workout. Ever since I embraced that belief wholeheartedly with him as my partner in life everything HAS WORKED OUT, shocking but true. Not that we haven’t had issues and problems but we bulldoze forward….ALWAYS. Thankfully everything has worked out, which is what I try to remember.

Through this rollercoaster ride called life. I try to always remember that I have someone that is so much more, he is my soulmate, my best friend, and my partner in thus journey. This beautiful human being has given me a family and a home, I lived my life like I really had nothing to lose up until him. Now I have so much that I could not bear to lose. As long as my family is okay everything else will fall into place, I just need to remember that. They are what remind me to be grateful because after all I this is MY FAMILY, after 40 years of existence I have found my happiness and could not be more grateful.